Surviving Men

Next time you see a bride standing at the altar in a wedding gown and exchanging vows with a man, promising to stand by him no matter what, you should applaud that woman. Seriously. Get on your feet and applaud her because she will be undertaking a rough path full of hardships.

Not to say that the men have it easy. All I am saying is that before you go around making silly statements like ‘women are hard to manage’, (refer to my previous blog) take a minute and walk a mile in our pinching shoes, will you? Some (few) men already know this; others have never really stopped to think about it, while others believe that we are only doing what is our job to do and we should therefore shut up and strive to do it well. I will ignore the last cluster since I am in a good mood today and I don’t want anything to change that.

You know the way a woman carries a pregnancy to term while ensuring that the baby she is carrying is well nourished, safe and healthy? Now imagine having another baby who has no ‘due date’, meaning the difficulties you face while ‘carrying’ it are indefinite with no end in sight. Imagine having to provide ‘nourishment’ with no guarantee of its full growth and safety. The latter ‘baby’ is who we like to call a ‘Man’

The only two differences between a foetus and a man are that one is a ‘parasite’ inside a woman, while the other one is outside her; one grows and develops while the other has stunted growth.

The emotional roller coaster that a woman goes through when she pees on a stick during a pregnancy test, and when she walks down the aisle and stretches out her finger to accept a wedding ring are somewhat the same. She thinks, will I be a good mother (wife), will this pregnancy (marriage) go smoothly? Do I have the strength to see it through? Am I ready for this?

If she chooses to have the child or accept the ring (tomato, tomay-i-to) then her life is not hers anymore. It becomes all about the child (man) because she has to make changes to accommodate this person comfortably in her life. The food she used to love eating cannot be kept down anymore as she ends up puking it all out, thanks to morning sickness; she has to change her circle of friends, thanks to the society’s perception of her new status. Her outfits become restrictive and she has to buy new ones, thanks to a bulging tummy; her decisions are equally restricted as she has to consult and maybe even forgo some of the things she would have loved to pursue, thanks to a demanding husband. As if that is not enough she will have to adapt to a new family who, just like a protruding belly, are not easy to carry around.

Just like a growing foetus might abort with no warning and due to no fault of the woman, a marriage may come to an abrupt end leaving her wondering when the rain started beating her. It may end simply because a man prefers another woman who is more fun or slimmer, taller, sexier, prettier – the excuses are in milliards.

Instead of thinking how hard it is to ‘manage’ your woman, think of all the sacrifices she is making and how hard she is trying to make things work. When men get married, their search for a mate is obviously over and therefore, mission accomplished. Case closed. End of story. Their main agenda for a chick they are interested in is ‘kumuingiza box’ as they call it. Once a chick ‘ameingia box’ what other challenge is left for them? To make the relationship work? What is that? This might as well be Greek to him. That automatically becomes the woman’s responsibility

Well, just as there are so many pains in pregnancy; fatigue, heartburn and gas, there are also those fuzzy kicks, overwhelming emotions of pride and joy to get us through a pregnancy. Just as there are all the disappointments in marriage in the form of ‘chips funga’, lies, betrayal and disloyalty, there are also special moments of pride, joy and happiness to make us survive men.

So even though men are absolute idiots most of the time, there are a few times every woman looks at their man and sees the reason why she has stuck with him through it all. These moments should not be few and far between. Very few men understand that in order for a marriage to work, he has to keep chasing the same woman even after she says ‘I do”.

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