Sorry, We Don’t Stock Wife Material Anymore!

Sorry, We Don’t Stock Wife Material Anymore!

On this Saturday morning, I woke up exceptionally early to make pancakes for the girls. They loooove pancakes. I go the whole nine yards too: milk, kienyeji eggs (these work wonders on pancakes), lemon rind, you know…the works. They were coming out great, if I do say so myself!

Then I look outside our kitchen window and I see a young woman trying to get the attention of our next door neighbor. Her knock on the door must have been unfruitful because she now stood by the window calling out softly. Nothing unusual it seemed, just a guest who called in a tad early having trouble waking up the owners of the house.

Several pancakes later, I hear a commotion outside (teren teren…) and I step out to see who was threatening to wake up my girls before their breakfast was ready. It was the same ‘guest’ having a confrontation with our caretaker, who wanted her gone.

Nini? (She resisted.)

Kama hawatakufungulia, toka hapa! (He threatens to push her out of the gate)

She has to come out …CARO! TOKA NJE MALAYA WEWE!(She shouts, then staggers)

Just like that, the quiet, peaceful, seemingly harmless ‘guest’ transformed into a loud, drunken woman!

Caro knows what she has done! My husband is in this house (points at the house) and I’m not leaving until both of them come out! I’m not leaving without my husband! Leo watanijua!

“Muuuuum!” Heidi wakes up. Thank you, drunk woman’s unfaithful husband, for waking up my daughter. Thank you very much!

I left them to their drama, and went to feed mine.

This incident had me thinking: is today’s woman on a mission to shed every ounce of womanity they have left? The dignified, soft, caring, understanding, kind, compassionate and soft-drinking woman seems so yesterday! Look around you, women the likes of the drama queen I saw that morning, and Caro the husband-snatching coward who chose to seek solace behind her locked door, abound.

It pains me that today’s woman is cold, uncaring and conniving.

You know the way you might try to lose some weight and to flatten your tummy (Ahem! Especially after having two girls) and you end up losing your fabulous hips in the process? Could it be that as they get stronger, as they gain independence and take on the men in every sphere, women are inadvertently losing their good ‘genes’ as well? I don’t know – does that qualify as collateral damage?

All I know is once upon a time;

  • Women knew how to cook. They would refuse to do it sometimes, but they knew their way around the kitchen. Today, they are clueless about holding a ‘mwiko’, and could care less. They’d rather order in some junk food and feed it to their children – forget their men who can cook for themselves.
  • They were considerate of each other. Let’s face it, women have become brutal to one another. Finding a pregnant woman queuing behind her fellow women is not a strange sight anymore. I can’t count the number of times I had to queue at the bank or at the supermarket when I was pregnant and my fellow sistas gave me the “Your pregnancy, your problem” attitude. Most considerate gestures I got while pregnant were from men. Tragic.
  • Women dressed decently and left something to the imagination. They even allowed men to chase them. Today, I’m sure men are bored stiff because chasing after a girl is not a thrill anymore. There is no resistance, therefore no challenge. All you see are bosoms threatening to burst out, thighs fully exposed, and women dishing out their phone numbers like advertisement pamphlets! (Ouch? Too harsh?)
  • Women drank in moderation or not at all. They only touched a glass or two of Wine – the soft stuff. A staggering woman was unheard of. She was always in control of herself. Today, she takes a swig of beer, whisky – the hard stuff – like tomorrow will never come.
  • Women had boundaries. A wedding ring on a man’s finger was sacred and it signified a no-go zone. Men even hid their rings if they wanted a woman to sleep with them. Today, a ring on a man’s finger only presents one challenge to her: when and where can he fit me in? Men don’t even bother to remove and hide the ring anymore!
  • They never gave it up so easily. Date after date, dinner after expensive dinner, and the poor guy wondered when he will be granted the honor of merely kissing her… ON THE CHEEK! Today, her clothes are off before the man can say “Chips Funga” And you wonder why he doesn’t respect you!?
  • Women upheld their men for something more than their wallet. They demanded love, respect and commitment. Nowadays, men can even get away with murder. For a fee.

Don’t you miss that woman though? I know I do.

At 6am in the morning, this woman stands at the door of another having drunk the night away and raring to claw another woman to get his man back. Like Steve Harvey says, some women don’t need men. They ARE men!

To today’s generation of unmarried men: Woe betide thee! When you finally decide that it is time to settle down, then you will realize that all the loose women you toyed around with are the only women left to marry. If you thought that you will find a ‘wife material’ tucked away somewhere waiting for you, you are delusional. That ‘material’ is out of stock, she doesn’t exist anymore!

In our effort to seek equality from the men, did we turn into men? We did didn’t we? Let’s now take a somber moment of silence to remember that amazing woman that we lost. *Sob*

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