Now, I ain’t saying she’s a golddigger …

I’m feeling gangsta! Hold it. Don’t fetch your piece yet. Let me first wear my teeny weeny shorts that are torn in all places (don’t roll your eyes at me, its fashion dammit!) and the figure-hugging t-shirt that says “Off the hizzle for shizzle”. I will wear my boots too, then tie a bandana around my head. Should I wear earrings, you think? Sure, the bigger the better, right? I need to add a little ‘swag’ to my step as well. How am I doing so far? Do I now fit the bill?

I bet that is how someone pictures me when they go through my phone’s playlist. Besides the rock tunes – which I tirelessly call my number two love, there’s the hip-hop tracks from Kanye, The Game, Black-Eyed Peas (how I love BEP!), Fabolous, Lupe Fiasco and Nicki Minaj (She’s got that SUPER BASS!). A friend of mine went through my playlist recently and told me that the songs I have in there don’t look like me. I totally agreed with him, I mean, since when did songs have round faces?

I got what he meant though. If you were to judge a book by its cover, one glance at me and you would expect to find all the different renditions of “Ave Maria” dominating my playlist.

I have been craving hip hop music of late –the kind that I enjoyed back in the day. I found myself playing Kanye’s ‘Goldigger’ repeatedly mainly because I hadn’t listened to the song in a long time.

Something stirred in me when I listened to the song. But when a passing thought threatened to become a viable blog post, I paused a bit. The pause was brought about by the fact that, as a friend pointed out recently, I tend to ‘attack’ women so much in my latest posts, something I never did, here or elsewhere, before.

Yet here we are. Again. Tell me, with a title like the one I’ve put up there, what are the chances that I’m going to go HAM (Hey, I am still on gangsta mode!) on women and the vice of dating and or marrying for money?

I therefore ain’t saying she is a gold digger. I ain’t saying that. Maybe she loves you so much that she wants to look good for you? So she demands for money all the time because girls need money to look good; for that hair, manicure, pedicure, her rent… Expensive gifts like a car or the latest mobile phone model for her birthday only goes to show that you love her as much as she loves you. After all, who is it that said that if women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning?

She will call you every weekend asking what your ‘mpango ya weekend’ is because she has many suitors buddy, and you are lucky she is letting you spoil her. You should be honored.

On the flipside, if he drives your car too comfortably or expects you to always churn out the fuel money, if he is always asking for a financial boost with a promise to repay but never does, or he tends to spend your money more than you think is necessary, on stuff that you think is not necessary, then he purports to take you out only for him to let you foot the bill. If your relationship seems to be heading nowhere, and he is least concerned about it, if he does not chip in financially, and you get the feeling that he is happy to let you take care of him ad infinitum, then allow me to say it: He is a shameless golddigger. Ya heard? 

Peace hommies! (Ok, I will stop this madness now)

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