If you love her…
It’s the month of love. Valentine’s day is here, that means you’ll need to show her that you love her. And do you?
If you love her, be honest with her. Be yourself. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. If your ass is broke, then your ass is broke! You are not sonko, so let Sonko be sonko and you? Be (broke) YOU!
If you love her, then pay attention. To her words not her chest. Pay attention to her facial expressions; the way her mouth moves when she speaks, the crease at the corner of her eyes when she smiles, the sparkle of excitement in her eyes when she is happy, the glistening of her eyes when she gets emotional. Pay attention to the way tears swim around her eyes waaay before they fall down her cheeks. Notice the tears before they reach her cheeks then you’ll be ready for them when they finally become visible to the rest of the world. That should stop you from acting all clueless and confused.
If you love her, pay attention to her hair and her nails – we love our hair. And our nails. Pay attention to her body. Its language too. Listen to her. To what she says and what she leaves unsaid. It makes her feel like she matters, you know? It really means a lot.
These small details will make you dodge an “I am leaving!” because you will have noticed that something was wrong and hopefully managed to fix it before the ‘leaving’ becomes a reality. You will be ahead of that jerk, before it even lodges itself as a thought in her head. Women ‘leave’ a relationship way before they leave with the packed bags – you’ll know that if you love her. You will counter the irritant with “I see there is something wrong somewhere. I don’t know what it is but I hope that we can fix it. What have I done to offend you? Tell me what I can do to make things right. I’m here. You know I will do anything for you…” Yes. Then “I am leaving!” will go back to its corner and think twice before rearing its ugly head ever again.
If you love her, you will notice the mood swings and leave them alone. Smart men step away from mood swings. I hope you are one of the smart ones. Mood swings are like a minefield. You do not go near them. You neither acknowledge them nor talk about them. Touch a mood swing and tempers will flare. People will explode. Don’t even mention that you know that they exist because it will get ugly.
Get her a thoughtful gift if you love her. Buy her a good book – Yes, Biko was spot on! Get her an aquarium, a work of art or jewelry. Go all out. Take her somewhere grand. The Maldives? They don’t call it the most romantic archipelago for nothing. Japan? The Okazaki Canal. The beautiful beautiful Cherry Blossoms that line the canal? Take her to a place that will make her heart beat so fast that she will have to stand still to catch her breath.
If you love her, get out a blanket at night – looks like it won’t be raining soon- and spread it outside. If the gods smile your way, the moon will be out that night. Go and make her a cup of her favorite beverage. Don’t ask the help to do it. She should just point you to the sugar and the chocolate or coffee.
Make her a good cup of steaming coffee or chai, whatever she prefers. Take it out to her. Now sit with her and talk. About nothing and everything. Talk about books. Tell her what you think of Ernest Hemingway’s short story ‘Hills like White Elephants’. Talk about the theme of Feminism in the story. Give her your two cents; why you think the girl in the story will have that abortion. Or not. Talk about silly stuff like why men like grabbing their crotches all the damn time. Make her understand your world. Try to understand hers as well. Let your thoughts merge. Make her fall in love with your mind. Say something smart, witty. Be funny. Come on, be deep!
When she is done with her coffee, take the cup from her hands and set it aside. Make her lie on her back. Supporting your head with your hand, focus on her. Remind her how you first met. Talk about the strides you’ve made together as a couple. Your children. Your teenager who is joining high school. Talk about your last born daughter who just joined baby class. Your son who is about to be circumcised – I don’t know. Intertwine your fingers with hers. Talk about your future. Your fears – Leave out the loans and your finances, save those for another day. Talk about what you love about her. Your commitment to her.
Talk and talk and talk. You can lie back now. Let her head rest on your chest as you speak to her in your sexy baritone. Run your hands through her hair. Let her feel your chest rise and fall as you pour your heart out to her. Let her feel your strong arms around her as an assurance that you will always protect her. Allow her to talk about her fears. Her insecurities. Her ailing mum. Her bitchy boss. Her impossible teenager. Listen to her as she pours her heart out to you.
When all has been said, let her go back to lying on her back. Now share the silence. Share the beauty of the stars. Share the stillness of the night. Share the blanket to keep off the chills. Cuddle her and share your warmth.
Appreciate that woman who has stood by you (or shows that she intends to stand by you) through your days of insufferable assholery. Do this by kissing her forehead. Kiss her pretty cheeks. Oh, go ahead! You know you want to give her a real kiss!
Love her with words. Beautifully crafted words. Love her with actions; hold her hand, put an arm around her shoulders, grab her by the waist and surprise her with a kiss. Bite her lips gently. Cup her face with your hands. Look into her eyes. Make love to her soul. Let her feel your love, touch your love, hear your love. Ravish her with your lovemaking. You need to bring your A game to this – no two ways. Make it so good that it is sinful. Put her under your spell and let her experience love to the core of her womanhood.
If you love her, you won’t have to spend much this Valentine’s day. If you really really love her, you might get her the cheapest gift, and she will still know it. As long as the gift comes with the whole package of you, that should be more than enough, ey ladies?
Enjoy your Valentines, lovers!