Grow Up And Kiss Someone Else
I see how you look at him.
I see how you want Philip to look at you. How you’re dying for eye contact so that he can finally see all those feelings you carry for him. Feelings that are wearing you down and that you don’t want to carry around anymore. Feelings that you are aching to pass over to him so that he can feel a little bit of the weight too. It’s only fair, isn’t it? You ask. And I agree with you. I totally agree with you.
Feelings should be shared. When your heart skips a beat for him, his should do the same. When you miss him and think about him all day, his day should be disrupted by thoughts of you too. It’s only fair.
I see how you close your eyes and imagine yourself with him. How you bite your lips when the mere thought of his tongue inside your mouth crosses your mind.
The way you talk about him. God, he’s so fine! Jesus Christ, he’s so beautiful! Holy mother of God, he’s everything you’ve ever wanted in a man! For fuck’s sake he’s so athletic! Holy crap, look at that beard! By George, those are a delicious pair of lips! Oh, those beautiful eyes!
I see how thoughts of him threaten to give you an orgasm.
You want him. Evidently.
You want him to see you. To want you. You want him to lust over you. You want him to kiss you.
And so badly.
But he is not looking at you, babe. His attention is somewhere else. He’s wanting something else. Someone else. When he sees you, lust is the farthest feeling from his collection of feelings. Your lips don’t give him the urge to moisten his.
It hurts, doesn’t it? To see his heart beat perfectly while yours keeps skipping a few beats for him? To see his mouth function normally while yours goes dry at the thought of a kiss from him? To see him close his eyes and go to bed while all you can do when you close your eyes is imagine his lips all over your nakedness?
I know it hurts.
And it will keep hurting as long as you ache for him. That ache needs to be taken care of. Those feelings need to be addressed.
So here is a suggestion. Why don’t you focus on Daniel instead? You remember him, don’t you? Remember the messages he’s been sending you that you refuse to respond to. Remember that whole paragraph of feelings he sent to you?
Of course, there’s a reason you’ve not paid attention to Daniel. He is not as rugged as you like them. Your heart has never bothered to skip one measly beat for him. And there is no threat of an orgasm when you think about him.
And I hear you. You have a type. But your heart needs to stop skipping for someone whose heart is not skipping back for you. What does your heart know? Nothing, if you ask me. You need to look in Daniel’s direction. See what he’s all about. Reply to Daniel’s messages and ask him if he’d like to talk over a coffee. Or something.
Go on that date. Wear that short dress that accentuates the beauty of your ass and your legs. Ah, what’s the harm, allow a little cleavage to peep out. Look sexy. Because when you look sexy, you feel sexy. After the coffee, dinner, whatever, when Daniel is taking you back home, touch his arm. Give him that eye contact that you’ve been giving Philip and getting nothing back. Daniel will give you some back. Even if yours doesn’t, Daniel’s heart will skip a beat for you. You know it will.
When you reach home, as he’s opening your door for you and wondering whether to leave, if you sense that he wants a kiss but is being shy about it, put on your big girl pants and go for it. Ask him if you can kiss him. Take his consent together with a deep kiss. Kiss him with your heart. Sate every craving you’ve been having. Those caresses, the little nibbles, heck, pull him inside, close the door behind you and take that orgasm too. Everything you were holding out to give to Philip, give it to Daniel instead.
Because Daniel wants you. And sometimes, all we want to feel is wanted.
So get Philip out of your system. Enjoy all of Daniel. Take an extra minute or two and enjoy him some more. If your heart decides to skip some beats for Daniel, let it go crazy. If it still wants to hold out for Philip, tell your heart to go fuck itself.
If you want him and he doesn’t want you, if he won’t kiss you, won’t look at you, won’t touch you, won’t tell you sweet nothings, go find someone who will. Then take his sweet nothings and let them fuel your rough week. Take those gentle caresses and let them soften your hard life. Wallow in the knowledge that someone else finds you beautiful and amazing and one of a kind. Allow someone else to enjoy your company.
Kiss someone else.
Someone else’s lips might not compare to his lips. They might not feel as good as you imagine his would. But someone else wants you. And he doesn’t.
Daniel wants you. A small part of you wants him. Maybe that’s the little fix you need right now. Maybe with time, your stupid heart will stop skipping for Philip. Or maybe your heart will never acknowledge Daniel. But that is beside the point. At this moment, the only agenda is to dethrone Philip. The first step in this agenda is to grow up and kiss someone else.
Hopefully, for fuck’s sake hopefully, once your heart is in check, the rest of you will follow.