Embarrassing conversations caused by drooling

For the last couple of weeks, I have not had the pleasure of ignoring unwanted phone calls. This is because of Heidi; my beautiful ever-smiling 8month old daughter. See, she messed up my mobile phone by drooling all over it. She is at an age where everything she holds has to pass through her mouth for validation. My phone went from her playful hands and with joyful coos swiftly made its way to her mouth. By the time I realized that my phone was being gnawed at, it was swimming in drool!

I however did not think much of it. Wiping it clean I proceeded to do what I should have done before she got her hands on it; keep it out of reach. Boy did she make a fuss! She cried and gave me that look. You know the look; that which seems to beseech you to stop harassing the life out of her? “Why do you do such mean things to me?” Is what she was saying with her beautiful eyes. If I lived in the USA and someone happened to walk in at that moment to find her wailing like that, I am positive that she would be shipped to a children’s home if only to get her away from mean mothers like me. Woishe?!

Wiping the phone clean on the outside, I never bothered to open it and check on the battery and all. I was once advised by her father that should my phone ever get in contact with water, the first step I was to do was dismantle it and leave it that way for a couple of hours -that was sorta like a ‘first aid’ tip for mobile phones. In retrospect, I really have to ask why he felt the need to share this information with me. Like I have a ‘reputation’ or something…?

This apparently important piece of advice slipped my mind and a day or two later, my phone wouldn’t light up. It was working all right, but the screen went black. By the time I remembered to dismantle it, it was too late. So I cannot read nor write and send messages. I can only blindly dial a number to make a phone call since I cannot access my phonebook. Being one of those people who think that ‘caller ID’ is the best thing to ever happen to mobile phones, the most irritating part about this messy situation is that when my phone rings, I am obligated to pick up every single phone call, lest I miss an important one. Don’t look at me like that; I exercise my right to pick or not to pick phone calls. I know my landlord is not reading this. Or is he? The most embarrassing part though is, having to ask who is calling if for one reason or another I cannot recognize the other person’s voice. I could just assume that I know all the people calling me by their voice but that would also present another more embarrassing situation like the one I had this morning.

My phone rings -”Go girl, girl it’s your birthday…” (Trey Song’s song “Say aah” is my ringtone if you’re wondering) Hehe, I am gangster like that.

I was already late for work so I hurriedly picked up the phone;

Me: Hallo?!

Other Person: Hallo! Sasa…..

Me: (Instantly assuming that it’s Heidi’s dad) Hey, I’m just heading to the bathroom si you call me after…what? 20mins? Feel free to tease me about how long I take in the shower!

Other Person: eeeh….ok. (Silence)

Me: Hallo…?!

Other Person: Renee, eeer.. I only wanted to inform you that I will be coming to the office a bit late this morning. So take care of things…?

My supervisor! It dawns on me…

Me: (embarrassed) ooh…o-ok.

So here I was, late for work and I just informed my supervisor that I take long in the shower. This was the mother of all TMIs. My previous excuses of being stuck in “this notorious traffic jam along Thika road” (with the construction of the superhighway and all) at that moment became NULL & VOID!

Yeah, I seriously need a new phone!

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