The Reneeissance

My blog title Reneeissance is a portmanteau of my name Renee, and the word renaissance both of which carry the same meaning – Rebirth. Two words with the same meaning put together to form one word – I couldn’t stress the point more if I tried. This is the place where I manage to undergo several resuscitations. Where my thoughts are regurgitated to a point of cognizance, my attitude towards life reconsidered, my role as a mother reevaluated. My whole being; who I am (lover, sister, daughter, employee), what I believe in…all go through some form of reinvention from time to time. That is what life is about, isn’t it?

There comes a time in life therefore, when you take a pause from the daily hustles of life to ask yourself; what was I put on this earth to do? Why am I here? What is my purpose in this life? I have been asking myself such questions lately. Though the answers are not forthcoming yet, I know for a fact that I am not the same person I used to be. That I have undergone a reneeissance is in no doubt. If you hadn’t caught on already, then this blog post was the adumbration (I finally get to use that word!)

Don’t go getting confused now; I am still Hailey and Heidi’s mother. Still MD’s wife. Still D.R.E (You know what I mean) But lately, I feel like that is not all. I believe there is more. I am Mr & Mrs Murrey’s daughter, my siblings’ sister. I am Renee.

But still, there is more!

What is my destiny?

Why am I here?

What?

Why?

When?

How?

All these questions seek to be answered. I know for a fact that I will be restless until I find those answers. I am restless right now.

Have you ever had that feeling that someone was standing outside your door even before you saw them? Have you waited and anticipated a knock on the door and by some miracle or something, the knock came? Sometimes you hear approaching footsteps before the knock. Sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you just feel someone or something approaching, and you know that they will be knocking on your door any minute. True to your suspicions, you get the anticipated knock!
And then it is up to you to open the door.

Or not.

Should you choose not to open the door, you maintain your status quo. You hang onto your comfort zone. Everything remains the way it has been; familiar, routine, predictable, safe. Your life does not get interrupted by the ‘intruder’. Maybe that is how you prefer it?

Should you open the door, you open yourself to possibilities. You forego your comfort zone for the unknown. It exposes you. Builds you. Challenges you. Pushes you to the limit even. The ‘intruder’ could make demands that might inconvenience you. Either way, once you open that door you will never be the same again! You will say goodbye status quo and hello joie de vivre!

I am in that place where I just heard the footsteps outside my door. I knew the knock was coming even before I heard it. The knock came and I am now heading towards the door. You know me, I have to open the door! See what’s out there. Something bigger than me is urging me to leave my comfort zone and see myself for who I really am. For what I am meant to be!

When I open the door, then I will get the rest of the answers to the why? When? How? Where?

It will all make sense then.

Fear is what stops many people from opening that door. Fear of the unknown. Fear that you will not be able to deal with what stands out there. Fear that you will face the challenge and fail.

Am I afraid?

Of course I am! But I will not give fear a chance. I will not let fear dictate how I live my life. So when I ask: What if I fail? I will counter that question with; What if I succeed beyond my wildest imagination? What if I don’t like what’s out there? But what if I finally get something I have wanted all my life? What if the challenge is too much for me to take on? BUT what if I finally get to live the life of my dreams?

What if?

I think the heavens prepared me for this even before I ever thought of it. See, I took the rocking chair test and I finally got the courage to give notice of resignation from my current job. What is it they say: When you want new things to come into your life, you have to make room for them.

I am making room for my family. I am making room for my creativity. I am making room for growth. I am making room for wisdom. I am making room for love.

I am quitting my job because the rocking chair gave me a grasp of what is important in my life right now.

I’m quitting because you really only live once.

Because my dreams are valid.

I am leaving behind the old. I am reinventing myself. I am undergoing a rebirth.

This is THE Reneeissance.

Wish me luck!

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