When you have met the man of your dreams. He has gone ahead and asked you out. You’ve agreed to his advances because there is a special part of you (who are we kidding, its your heart – and so many other places) that flutter and tingle when he is around you.
When one date has led to another. And another. A hug has appeared less than enough and therefore swiftly progressed into a kiss. Which has led to several others. When one thing has led to another. And when these things that have been led into have a song like Pillowtalk by Zayn as their soundtrack.
When both of you have convinced yourselves that there is indeed something there. Enough to have you standing at the altar. Before God and before man. When you find yourselves declaring undying love to each other. When you know that you have every intention of truly having and holding till death do you part. You have then taken the chance to slide those rings into each other’s fingers.
When you have worn the ring.
When you have changed your maiden name and worn with pride the title of Mrs.
When he has you. And he gets used to having you around. When he forgets just how awesome you are. Because he gets used to your beauty. Forgetting that it is the biggest tragedy to get used to beauty. When he starts feeling entitled to every selfless act you do for him; the warm – heartedness you exude; the kindness and forgiveness you extend when he slips.
When he seems not to care about you anymore. When he throws around insults as if he is paid per spurt. When both of you reach that place. Where your lives get into a routine. When that routine takes you to a place where a shift occurs. When you slide into that dark place. The place where Becky with the good hair sneaks into your lives.
When you find out about Becky – and you will. When you sit down and think things through. When you take a deep breath. When you follow the advice of phallic women who insist that you handle things respectfully – because his infidelity was served to you with respect? When all these expectations threaten to kill you but you do it anyway.
When you dare not embarrass your man because you will lose him for good. When you decide to handle him, not like a man who makes adult choices, but like a boy. A fragile boy who does not know what he is doing. A dumbfounded boy who cannot fathom how Becky ended up moaning beneath him. When you sit him down and remind him; baibe, I love you. When you bring yourself to finally ask: Are you cheating on me?
When he denies it (of course he denies it) or when he confesses but promises never to do it again (you know he will do it again)
When you know that he is lying. Either way.
When he shifts blame. When he calls you insecure. Bitter. Angry. When he does not bother to find out why you are that way. And when he suffers amnesia, forgetting that if you have changed, it is because of him. That you were not like that when you met.
When he cannot even remember how beautiful you were (are)!
When he regrets why you had to turn out this way. Claims he never imagined you to be the nagging type. Wonders; whatever happened to you!
When he keeps cheating. When you find that you are miserable and lonely and he couldn’t be bothered.
When he completely forgets who you are. When his definition of you is jumbled up with those of a sex toy, doormat and the help.
When you have no more love to give him.
When being with him does you more harm than good.
This will be the time.
Time to grab the baseball bat and smash that relationship to the ground. It will be time to let out that fire that burns in your heart, the one that threatens to consume you, and create a bonfire that will light up and consume the toxic relationship.
You will be bitter. Yes. Angry. Absolutely. You will be broken because guess what, you were broken. And you are not a lifeless soapstone sculpture of a female. So you have every right to feel what you feel. And your heart will heal when it damn well pleases. You do not need to explain and make excuses for your pain, anger or your brokenness.
Next will come the time to let go. Time to move forward. Time to grow.
When your relationship has taken everything you could possibly give and it threatens to keep taking until you are no more. When it is time to prevent it from killing you. When it’s time to stop hanging onto something that is dead. When it is time to destroy it all and build it up again. When it’s time to go back to the drawing board and reevaluate your options.
You realize that growth is not only about planting seeds in a field. That it also involves burning the unproductive vegetation and making room for fresh cultivation. You realize that sometimes, what our life needs is not a new beginning but an ending. You realize that sometimes, to turn your life around, all you need is a timely goodbye.
You realize that timing is important when you are ending something as much as when you are starting it.
When it’s time, and you’ll know when it is, you let it burn girl.
Let it burn.