You’re in a hurry to leave, I know.
Your girlfriend is waiting for you outside. In her car. I know she drove you here. You don’t want to keep her waiting, I know. I know, ok?
You don’t want me to ask the many questions that fill my mind, I know. And I won’t.
Just give me a few minutes of your time. I promised to give you my lifetime – you don’t want that anymore. So just give me a few minutes, will you?
Thank you. No, you don’t have to sit down. I’ll make it quick.
I-I know that things have not been great between us lately. If I’m to be honest, they’ve been terrible. We’ve not spoken in months…when we’ve spoken, it has been to yell at each other and point fingers about what I am doing wrong and what you are doing wrong…
I however never expected us to reach here. I don’t know what I was expecting, but I know that this wasn’t it. I have seen couples go through this. Remember how we made fun of couples who had nothing to say to each other? Did you imagine we would ever be that couple? Coz I didn’t.
Anyway, that is beside the point.
As you leave, as you walk out of this door, out of our home and out of our marriage, as you begin your transition from being my husband to becoming my ex-husband, I want you to do me a favour.
I need you to remember a few things.
Remember the night that I finally said ‘I love you’ back. I never was good with trusting people, you know that. And even though we had been in a relationship for a year, I was still unsure about giving my heart to you. But that night was special, wasn’t it? It was magical. The food was great. You ensured that the chef made my favourite dish. We talked and shared so much. More than we had shared in our one year of dating. You told me all your dreams and aspirations. That was the same night I realized that you were planning your future and that that future had me in it. And it blew me away. I – I had an inkling that you loved me but hearing you talk about having babies with me, building a home with me, that was so … so comforting. When you saw the tears in my eyes (sorry I couldn’t help it) you kept saying that you loved me. That you wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of your life loving me. I felt it then, and I have to admit that I had felt it before. Only this time, I had the courage to acknowledge it. And I said it.
I loved you. Remember that.
Remember that your bank balance never mattered to me. Not even when it read zero and I had to come through for you. I never thought twice about it. I knew that that is what you do for people you love – you pull them back up when they fall down. You support them until they’re back on their feet again.
Remember that I believed in you. I saw your potential before anybody else did. Didn’t I tell you that someday, someday really soon – weren’t those my words? – your name will be on everyone’s lips? You told me to quit flattering you. But I was right. Your name is on everyone’s lips now. Everyone adores you. They all want to spend time with you, to say hello to you, dine with you. They all want you to follow them on Twitter and friend them on Facebook. Every woman wants to sleep in your bed. And I get why. I. I-I know that she, your girlfriend who is sitting in the car waiting for you right now, I know she also gets why. And she is a lucky girl. To be where she is now, holding your heart. I was her once. So…
Remember that I did not care what my parents thought of you. That the only thing that mattered to me is how I felt about you and what I knew about you. I knew you to be kind and loving. Even when my peers called you uneducated behind my back, just because you did not flaunt a degree like their husbands and their boyfriends, that, all that, did not matter to me.
I need you to remember the night I held you in my arms till dawn. It was the first time I did it, right? The only time maybe? I am used to lying in your arms. Time had come for me to hold you in mine. For better or for worse right? Remember how I held you tight as you sobbed into my nightdress? Your father had passed on. How you cried. How seeing you so broken, tore me apart. How I wiped the tears from your eyes, while mine drenched the pillow. Remember how I thanked you for allowing me to be there for you. For being strong enough to be vulnerable. For letting me comfort you. That must not have been easy.
Remember the night we knelt down, you and I in the hospital’s ICU and prayed that we would bring Stacy back home in good health. Remember when our little girl was lying in hospital, fighting for her life. Remember how afraid we were of losing her. How we spoke to God in one voice; two parents who love their child to small pieces. How we pleaded with God to heal our little girl.
Remember how I defended you to your family. They kept saying you were a loser. A good for nothing. How I took you out for drinks and nyama choma just to cheer you up when you were down. How I encouraged you to prove all the naysayers wrong. I’m glad you did. In spite of everything, I’m really glad you proved them wrong.
Remember how I always had your back. Remember the birthday parties I surprised you with at home and at your workplace. Remember how I tolerated your church with its overly preachy pastors. Hehe…sorry.
I know you have to go now. But – but um. Just remember us ok?
Remember how you looked at me with adoration in your eyes when I walked towards you on our wedding day. The naughty things we did on our honeymoon. And many other times after that. Remember even the places we did those naughty things. Remember them. Take these memories with you.
I know it was not all rosy. We had our moments. But marriage is like a day, right? We have sunny days, cloudy days, windy days and rainy days. Don’t go out there…don’t take only the rainy days with you. Carry the sunny days as well. In fact, carry only the sunny days.
That’s it. That’s all I wanted to say to you. Thanks for listening. You should leave now before Stacy wakes up. Go on, don’t keep your girlfriend waiting any longer.