My True North

My True North

I have never been a city girl. Not at heart, at least. I love the country life. I fantasize about living in a big house deep in the village, surrounded by trees, bushes, grass and wild nature – creepy crawlies and all. Eeew, you say? Fine, those I can do without but I will insist on uninterrupted internet connection, electricity sans blackouts, and running tap water (so much for the rural life huh?) Hopefully, Kenya power and Lighting co. get their act together.

I will spend my days tapping at my keyboard, telling stories. Great stories, if I might add. I will look out of the window and seek inspiration from the wilderness, allowing nature to inject life into me. I will get high on the fresh country air which I will inhale deeply through my nostrils into my system (and no, I’m not a druggie) as I watch the rain falling to water the earth or the sun caressing the green vegetation. With a scalding-hot cup of coffee (Or milk, if I’m to stick to my roots), I will try to change the world one word at a time.

Hailey and Heidi will be big names at the time – you better believe it! Grown women of substance. Hailey will be a big shot model (You should see her pose for a photo, I swear!) or actress, or singer. Heidi will run some company, fearlessly admonishing employees and making management decisions. Making men sweat – in a nutshell.

Md will be in the bushes with me (I don’t care what he tells you, this is my fantasy!). As I am busy on my keyboard, he will be lurking somewhere in the bushes trying to catch something, sword – or some other lethal weapon of choice- in hand. Maybe he will resurrect his passion for art and join me at the window with a paintbrush and canvas in hand? My very own Da Vinci? I don’t know…All I know is that he will be shirtless with just a pair of shorts, the Fabio look-alike that he is. I will stop there before things get all steamy and inappropriate. Ha!

When I close my eyes I get lost in this fantasy. It is so tangible, I can taste it. It is so alive; I can feel it burning my bones, willing to burst out.

My true north! This must be it, isn’t it? Is this my internal compass? “Everyone has an internal compass where their true north is clearly defined. Even when they stray, this compass will point them back on track” so I’ve been told. And don’t you agree?

It’s a journey getting to that point where what you want is non negotiable. There are  so many distractions on the way. So many hardships that all combine to build you to the person you want to become.

Every woman, I believe, has to go through the thick scary forest with wild animals raring to gnaw at her delicate frame, ready to take advantage of her fragility. She has to climb mountains so high while struggling to hang on lest she plummets into the ocean below that is eager to drown her. Every woman, at one point or another, has plunged into deep waters; unable to swim she has stretched out her hand helplessly. If lucky, she has clutched on a straw and stayed afloat.

She has had to run away from danger! Towards shelter! Barefoot sometimes! She’s been pricked in the process! She has bled. She has asked for help along the way only to be turned away. Screamed for help in the dark, only to be ignored. Sought for help among people who claim to love her, only to be misled. She has somehow managed to come back nevertheless.

Every woman has slipped! Has fallen!Crawled on all fours! Dragged their bodies on the mud when standing up was too much for her! She has cried! Boy, has she cried! She has laughed! She has smiled! Given a fake smile! A fake orgasm! She has loved! She has hated! Harboured anger! Resentment! She has gone crazy with confusion! She has given in to pleasure! Succumbed to pressure! She has given up! Thrown her hands up in defeat!

Yet she has picked herself up! Stood tall! Pushed her chest out! Made a comeback! She has trudged the long winding road! Step by firm step! Determined to reach where she needs to go! Focusing on that one point that remains constant through it all. Her true north.

Every woman has gone through her fair share of smelting to become that shining, refined woman who knows what she wants. Whose morals, principles and ideals are non negotiable.

In life’s journey we are often uncertain where we stand, where we are going and what the right path is for us personally. My true north beckons me to this place where I am comfortable in my skin; with what I have and who I am. It stops me from comparing myself to others and insists ever so determinedly, irritatingly sometimes, that I make my voice heard regardless of what people might think. It fights me when I try to conform. It dares me to be me. Unique. Different. Blessed.
Take a look, see how far you’ve come. Now imagine how much farther you can go! Never lose sight of your true north. Keep going. Keep North!

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