A heated discussion about mistresses was underway on social media; about their idiocy, their lack of respect towards the sacred union of marriage, their inability to find themselves a man who would commit to them, their folly for thinking that a man could ever leave their wives for them, their desperation for love…The insults went on and on and on.
Then one lady chipped in with that one sentence: When I grow up, I want to be a MWK (Mpango wa Kando)!
First we need to get something out of the way: I am the douse-your-cheating-husband-in-kerosene-and-set-him-ablaze kind of woman. I don’t believe that infidelity is a mistake. It is a choice. You type ‘arguement’ instead of ‘argument’, now that is a mistake. A typo. A man who has relations with one woman while married to another, makes that decision with a sound mind. He chooses to do that, marriage vows be damned. It’s truly that simple and the sooner women will take this to heart and stop making excuses for their cheating men, the better for all relationships. If you are committed to your marriage, you should demand for the same from your partner.
The reaction on social media was nothing new because we always react like that towards mistresses. We look at mistresses and sneer derogatorily, consoling ourselves that even though they sneak around with our men, he would never leave us for them, as if that should make us feel better?! Like having an unfaithful husband is better than having no husband at all?!
Then again, does she really want your man to leave you for her? You think so? Really? Does she want to be married to him knowing that he is a two-timing son of a (insert the ‘b’ word)? Does she want your life; your hectic nine to five tending to the children, fighting baby weight and arguing over bills and investments and in-laws? THAT life?
Granted, some of them do. But some of them don’t really want your life. They are happy with what they are getting from him. They could even be feeling sorry for you and what you put yourself through. For, though he is the one who cheats, you are the one who puts up with it. So yeah, you put yourself through all that.
Before initiating an affair, men know exactly what is at stake. They know exactly what they are doing. They know that their marriage could end if found out. Make that a big IF, since they stupidly believe that there is no way, in heaven or hell that their affair will come to light. No way! Then it does. It always does. When that happens, they are almost always certain that you will forgive his ‘mistakes’ because ‘marriage is not a bed of roses’, and ’maisha ni kuvumiliana’. Soon, all will be forgotten, and he will go back to his wayward ways. After all, he is human and human is to error. Woman, try using the same lines when you are the one on the wrong and you will know why they say it’s a man’s world.
Being a MWK today is like a full time job, and a very lustrous one at that. Most of the men who keep a mistress go all out to sustain their flashy lifestyles because if he doesn’t, some other man will – he knows that. He also knows that while the mistress will find a replacement for him in a heartbeat, his wife is going nowhere – at least this is the message that repeat offenders get – that, since you vowed to stick it out for better or worse, you have no choice but to endure his ‘worst’ side.
As you dutifully put up with his antics in the name of ‘kuvumiliana’ the MWK gets her own car while you get to borrow his once in a while. She gets shopping sprees and trips abroad while you get curfews on when to be home and rationed finances to cater for household items with nothing or very little to spend on yourself. You also get the rappings on how the kids should be brought up, what to invest in, how you are a nag, a good for nothing etc, etc…
The more I thought about that statement, the more it appeared to me that this woman, this mpango wa kando, could be on to something. Truth is, marriage is not attractive anymore. Initially, it was what every woman wanted. But now, now I can understand a woman making such a statement. If being a MWK is promising women the happily ever after, then why should they get married?
As our young girls are growing up, they are observing these two women. One is a miserable wife, the other is a MWK who has it all figured out. If their married mothers are miserable they might not want to go through the same things she is going through. Will you blame them when they choose to be someone’s side dish instead of getting married? They will surely get confused.
It’s up to us to make marriage the attractive respectable union it once was. We can do that or we will have to contend with our children opting to form facebook pages such as “Campus Divas looking for married rich men, with no strings attached.”
I strongly believe that since our society feeds so much from this one union between a man and his wife, working on it could be the one thing, the only thing even, that will turn everything around. A happy man and wife breed happy grounded children who grow up to emulate them and pass on the same values to their own spouses, children, colleagues and society at large.
Make marriage beautiful and see how our society will blossom. I believe it is that simple. What do you think?
In other news, baridi nayo!