When a woman would rather be a widow than a divorcee

When A woman would rather be a widow than a divorcee

If I try really hard to make sense of why a Kenyan woman would hire men to kill her husband, the father of her children, I think I might just come up with a blog post. Yes I might, so here goes…

When I first read this story in the dailies about one Faith Wairimu Maina, who confessed to attempting to kill her husband by hiring hit men through an acquaintance known as Mama Kevo, I took the chance to steal a few light moments. Come on, what is a story if you cannot borrow a few light moments from it?

I thought to myself, Mama Kevo huh? Seriously, does it get any sobering than this? Every neighborhood in Nairobi has one mama Kevo, mama Bryo, mama Junior, mama Boi, mama Precious…I could go on. Before this story, had it ever crossed your mind that a woman with such a harmless, trustworthy name could be approached to hire hit men? Me neither. Mama Kevo is Kevo’s mother and mothers don’t conspire to commit murder. Or do they?

Again I thought, now this Faith woman takes her wedding vows seriously. Instead of divorcing his marauding husband who beats her, does not pay any bills, nor buy food for his children, instead of leaving him and getting on with her life since she has been doing everything single-handedly any way, she opts to kill him instead. Could this be because she promised to stay married to him till death do them part?

Light moments aside, I can easily see why she foolishly thought that killing him was the best way to deal with him.

I know that it takes a very strong woman to watch her husband leave their matrimonial home, a home they have built for 16 years, children and all, to be with another woman. Worse still, to watch her ex-husband live it up, move on so quickly as if you never existed in his life.

It takes formidable strength, divine strength even, to watch this happen before your eyes and be able to keep it together. Could be that Faith Wairimu did not have it in her to endure that. She knew almost with certainty that her husband was going to leave her for the other woman. Maybe she was not strong enough to handle it. She could have preferred him dead instead.

Then again, financial security could have been the motivator. Being the irresponsible man that her husband was, maybe Faith thought that this was the only chance she had of getting her hands on his finances. She of course had children to feed and since he never bothered to take care of them before, chances are he would never have given them a thought once he was out of the door.

Maybe Faith acted out of ignorance; she might not have known that a man has a responsibility, by law, to take care of his children and that she could have used the courts to make sure he provided for his children. Maybe she knew he could get the courts to fight for her but was still not comfortable with having her husband parading another woman in front of her. Maybe she panicked. Maybe she preferred being labeled a widow than a divorcee. The tag ‘widow’ would elicit more sympathy than a ‘divorcee’ tag? Maybe?

Suffice to say, she made the wrong judgment and lucky for her husband, the ‘hired hit men’ put the kibosh on her poorly conceived plans.

To be a married woman, you have to lose some of your independence, even if it’s a teeny bit. That is an inevitability. When a man and woman learn to depend on each other, the thin line between healthy dependency and losing yourself completely becomes blurry.

What ailed Faith could be that, she lost herself completely to her marriage. She lost all sense of who she was and saw herself not as Faith, but entirely as John Muthee Guama’s wife. If John was to leave her to be with another woman, where does that leave Faith?

I suspect she had many sleepless nights where she tossed and turned and asked herself where she had gone wrong? How she would make him pay? How she was to provide for their children when their father could be less concerned?

She thought alright. She plotted and when dawn came, she gave mama Kevo a call (this mama Kevo woman though…!) Faith could have reasoned that killing her husband would kill three birds with one stone; she would get rid of a man she had grown to despise and in a way, get her revenge; She would get financial security by way of inheritance; lastly, she would never have to suffer the humiliation of another affair, or have to see him remarry and create a new life, a new family, with another woman. I can’t have you, so no one else will, sorta thing. Life is interesting in a twisted way really.

I never underestimate the strength of a woman who says enough is enough and opts to walk away from a bad marriage. It cannot be an easy thing to walk away and let the man you wish could pay for so many sins get away ‘scot-free’. Some women would like to make him pay. You see him start his life all over again and you think of the wasted years, the children you have had with him, the life you have built together. He throws it all in your face and walks away without a glance back. It must sting. Still, a woman should find it in her to let go and let him be.

Though relationships are not easy, women should always give love a chance. They should get married with the mind to commit to the marriage till death do them part.
HOWEVER, what a woman should never EVER do is to forget who she is. When she does, and things go wrong, any woman could easily turn into Faith Wairimu Maina.

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