She has sung beautifully, skillfully. Has hit her high notes as perfectly as Mado Robin. Her singing has left you wondering how it is she is able to hold her breath for so long. She has given it her heart and soul.
The fat lady has sung so clearly and so well. She has not forgotten to throw in her impeccable portamento techniques and now there is no doubt in your mind, anyone’s mind really, that it is indeed over. Done. Unsalvageable.
It hurts like hell.
You want to convince him to come back into your life. You want to capture all the memories – every moment spent, every word spoken, every emotion felt. You want to sit him down. You want to make him relive those memories with you dammit! Maybe then he will see that leaving you is a bad, horrible, terrible idea!
You want to sell him your dream and make him believe in it like you do. You want him to see love through your eyes. You want him to follow your script. Which script, you ask? That script in your head dummy! The one whose words you’ve tucked away in the chambers of your heart – that script.
You want that script – written so well, deliciously spiced with just enough flowery language of love – to play itself out the way you wrote it. Word for freaking word! So while you heard the fat lady sing, while you saw her sway to the sound of her voice, while everyone around you gets it that it is indeed over, you my dear will refuse to believe it.
You believe instead, that your heart is
bleeding hemorrhaging. You believe that you cannot live without him. It must be a mistake. There is no tomorrow for you if he is not in it. Child, please!
What does he mean it is over? What are you to tell all your friends who knew you, envied you and considered you the luckiest girl alive. What will those who looked at your relationship with envy use to look at it now? Pity?
Love is a beautiful feeling. Forget what your friends think, when you refuse to dismantle a castle that you built in the air then you have a problem in your hands.
Once that fat lady is done singing and your boyfriend tells you that he is not ‘feeling this anymore’ (aren’t those the words you use, gentlemen?), once he pitifully suggests that you should ‘just be friends’ (seriously guys?) and once he finishes reciting the ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ creed (really now?), what do you do? Scratch that, what should you do?
Let’s say you do nothing. And we start to like how you are handling this breakup. But then again, let’s say you spoil everything by opening your mouth and constructing sentences like “Please don’t leave. I will love you for the both of us”
Now how is that even possible?
How do you even love someone for “the both of you”?
Whoever came up with that phrase, should be found and paraded so that we can all take a shot at him. What buffoonery is ‘I will love you for the both of us?!”
Love works when; he loves you, you love him. Not – he pretends to love you, you love him. Or – he loves you, you tolerate him. Or – he hates you, you obsess about him (if you call this love, I hate to imagine what you think stalking means!)
So stop this nonsense. Seriously. Stop it. When you hear that fat lady singing herself hoarse to signal the end of your relationship, woman work those six-inch heels and walk to the exit. It’s easy, see. Take one step. Add another firm step to the one. And another and another.
If the tears insist on accompanying you (there, there!) you let them, but you keep walking. Once you are out there, you are allowed by the statute of ‘Dealing With Breakups: How To Get Over Assholes Who Break Your Heart’ to eat the hell out of fast foods and ice creams, to sleep all day and cry a river as advised by JT. You are allowed.
Do not hang around and plead for something a man cannot give you. Love does not work like that. If all it took to love someone was some begging, I doubt we would have any broken relationships.
Just like you can never love someone ‘for the both of you’, you also should never beg someone to reciprocate your love. I am not saying this because ati I don’t want to see you prosper with your ‘supposed’ Mr. Right. No one supports your prosperity like I do. I am one woman who is practically in love with the idea of love. In fact, I don’t think people are loving each other as much as they should anymore. Matter of fact, why aren’t guys loving each other more?
I am saying this because I know that love is not something that you push down a person’s throat. He either loves you or he doesn’t.
The words to use are not; I love you for…, or I love you but…, or I love you when…, or I love you if…
The words are, simply, ‘I love you’. Isn’t that beautiful!
You should allow yourself to experience the euphoric, senseless kind of love. The kind that has you walking with a spring to your steps, with a smile plastered to your lips and a fluttering heart beating against your chest.
While love is a wonderful feeling, you have no business pining for it. You have no business using love as an excuse to live an unhappy, unfulfilling, miserable life with a man who does not love you back.
Love should be felt without nudging. It should be given without prompting and most importantly, it should be received without coercion.
So when the fat lady sings, girl it’s over. It’s time for you to take a bow (do it!) and walk.
Now, did you die? 🙂