How do you want to be loved?

How do you want to be loved?

One woman will feel special if her husband showers her with gifts; a brand new car, expensive jewellery – the whole glitzy shebang. Another woman will feel special if her boyfriend sits with her to talk about nothing and everything for hours on end. Yet another will feel loved if the man takes his responsibilities as a father and a husband seriously; pays school fees in time, takes care of the bills and spends quality time with his children. Another woman will feel special only if the man is faithful to her and doesn’t pursue other women.

There are women who don’t mind if their men cheat on them. To them, relationships with men come with infidelity. It’s a package. If you are dating a man, expect to be cheated on, they reason. And true to form, women who believe this end up with men who are serial cheats. Power of the mind? They dare those who don’t agree with them to date a woman if at all they want a faithful relationship. But women cheat too, don’t they? Oh well, marriage is bliss as long as the man comes home to you at night and he uses protection with the other woman.

How will you know he uses protection all the time with the clande though? Si those things become a bother after a while. Si watu huzoeana? One year down the line, the side chick will start popping postinor after a night of unbridled passion. Then she will not think twice getting that norplant, or she will smarten up and replace the emergency pill with the more permanent contraceptive pill. Soon the man and his side chick are promising exclusivity to each other. Only that you and him promised each other the same thing so, good luck with that.

If you are ok with infidelity, you should be okay with being a step mother to another woman’s child, to having a co-wife, to testing positive to Gonorrhea, Syphilis and HIV.

Most men consider using protection only during one night stands and during those visits to Koinange street, you know? Those are the women they wouldn’t dare mix ‘body fluids’ with – Condoms were created for them. But their ‘faithful’ mpango wa kando? Pleeeeease! That’s practically his wife minus the ring and the nagging. To him, she is the flashier, classier, skinnier, prettier version of you. I am just saying girlfriend. Just saying.

Understand that once that door is opened, you are not in control of who walks into your marriage anymore. You don’t just take on another woman. You take on her influence on your man, you take on her diseases, you take on her reproductivity. You should be ready to deal with stuff happening in your life that you did not expect to happen.

Allowing infidelity in your marriage is like building a house without a door and trusting that no burglars will come to steal your valuables when you are not around. But you know they will come, don’t you? You know they will rob you to the last penny don’t you? Are you ready to deal with that?

Remember the rumors that shrouded Robin Thicke and estranged wife Paula Patton during their separation? It was alleged that they had a three-way arrangement that involved a third party, Jasmine. Jasmine was said to have been Paula’s lover at some point. Star Magazine (USA) which carried the story and which Thicke threatened to sue due to the story claimed that Paula discovered that Jasmine and Thicke were having an affair behind her back.

Whether the story was true or not, it corroborates the fact that once you agree to a particular arrangement in your marriage, you lose control of how it pans out from then on. Paula was alleged to have agreed to a ménage-a-trois to keep her husband happy. The three-way soon turned into a two-way that excluded her. Was she ready to deal with that? Evidently not.

You might not be as liberal as Paula. And yes, we love differently. Be that as it may, we should know what to expect.

If loving you means he buys you expensive gifts, will you be ok with him shacking up with another woman so long as you get to keep your gifts? If loving you means that he can continue pursuing other women as long as he puts a ring on it, will you be ok when the mistress becomes wife number two? Will you be ok with living with HIV?

If loving you means that he can be a lousy husband as long as he takes his responsibility as a father seriously, will you be ok when divorce papers are delivered to you by his lawyer as long as he continues to support his children?

Just how do you want to be loved?

Think again.

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