Let It Hurt
You are a human being.
What this means? You are made of flesh, bone and blood. All these are secured underneath a layer of skin. The blood ensures that oxygen is transported to your heart (you remember biology, don’t you?) Your heart therefore keeps beating. You are able to function. You breathe.
You are alive.
Imagine if you were to give someone your hand to hold. Imagine if that someone was to grab a sharp knife, and used it to incise a deep cut in your wrist.
You scream. You bleed. And it hurts.
The pain is inevitable because your skin has been raptured. Your flesh has been exposed. And you are losing blood. What you will need to do is prevent yourself from bleeding to death. Stop the bleeding. Nurse the wound to health. During the healing process, you will handle the injured wrist with care, gentleness so as not to strain it and to prevent further injuries.
Now imagine if what you gave that someone to hold was your heart.
You love him. God knows you love him. Your friends, your mother, your social media platforms and connections know that you love him. With everything you have and everything you are. You have given him your all. You cannot imagine life without him. You would give anything, even sacrifice your happiness just to see him happy. Because his happiness is your happiness. And that is all that matters.
In the spirit of love and adoration, you call each other. In the same spirit, you go out for meals and movies and hangouts. In the spirit of love, you get intimate every other day.
In the spirit of breaking your heart, he will go silent for days. You will ask him why he has not been calling you, and he will tell you that he has been busy. You will say that you understand. Ask him not to work too hard, not to kill himself with work. You love him.
In the spirit of love, you will cook up a brilliant idea. Suggest that the two of you go away this weekend, just the two of you. To relax and take time off. Once you finish bubbling, you will realize that the excitement from your side of the phone call is not mirrored from his side. You are the only one excited about going away. And he will say it.
He will state, matter-of-factly, that he cannot take days off on a whim.
“Because some of us have to actually work for a living.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” (that was uncalled for by the way)
“Fine. Let’s have dinner this weekend then. At least”
“You are not working weekends too, are you?”
“No. but I am visiting a friend”
You will want to ask if his friend is more important than you, his girlfriend. But you, in the spirit of love, will swallow those words in one audible gulp.
The last thing you want is to sound jealous, needy, clingy or nag-ey. Those bad words.
You will still assume that your relationship is alive because there has been no word from him to the contrary. And because even lovers go through some rough patches every once in a while.
You will keep calling him until you finally realize that you are the only one bothering to call, text, WhatsApp… in this tango of two. You will not fail to notice that he does not reply to your texts with as much zeal as he did before. A ‘Having a good day, baibe?” is now responded to with a curt “Yes” as opposed to the “Sure! Missing you though ;-)” that you were used to. The winks are nowhere to be seen. The smileys and kisses don’t fly your way anymore.
Then one day, he will say it.
You will ask why he has been quiet and you will realize that he had been waiting for that opening for the longest time. And he will grab the chance with both hands. You guys need to take a break, he will say. To figure things out. To think things through. To assess where the relationship is heading. And all those euphemisms.
You will know it then. That it is over.
And it will hurt.
That sting you will feel in your heart, the sharp pain that will lodge itself inside you for days, we will call it heartbreak.
But that heartbreak will be just like that deep cut to your wrist. Only this cut, you will not see. But it will bleed alright. And it will be painful. This you will feel. The pain, you must feel.
It will hurt because a heartbreak is supposed to hurt. And your heart was just shattered to pieces.
It will hurt, not because you are weak but because you are not superhuman.
You will feel lonely and you will long for his deep voice, for his presence, for his scent, for his broad comforting shoulders and disarming smile. You will want to have him back. And you will want to do anything to not feel the pain.
People who try to resist the pain, are those who call him and beg him to love them again. But you and I know that you can never make someone love you. People who fight the pain are those who go back to bad relationships with bad men who abuse them.
You want that ache in your heart to go away.
Sorry love, it won’t. That ache is part of heartbreak. You have to allow yourself to feel it.
You will feel like crying. Cry!
You are nursing a wound. Don’t try to be macho. Be gentle with yourself. Nurse yourself with fragility and care. Allow yourself to cry. Allow yourself to doubt yourself sometimes. Allow yourself to not have any answers to anything. Allow yourself to get really pissed. Allow yourself to be human for chrissake!
Only then will you allow yourself to heal. Because once the tears flow, the healing begins.
The end of a relationship is supposed to hurt. A broken heart is supposed to hurt.
It hurts because you are alive.
Let it hurt.