I’m Still Standing
Just in case you were starting to wonder, yes I did make it to 2013 and I see, so did you – Congratulations!
Truth be told, I gave a sigh of relief as I bid good riddance to the year 2012. What a year it was for me! It punched me in the face, in the stomach, all over and when I tried to steady my feet, it pushed me and I found myself tumbling over, face down.
With muck on my face, I tried to get up, only to get a kick to my behind and several other kicks rained on me from all over. I was rolling in the deep (Speaking of, do you suppose Adele will make a comeback this year?). I wasn’t sure how to take it because I was in unfamiliar territory and so I held out on you guys as I let this site slip. But you must understand why; Whereas I am used to rolling with the punches and hitting back, 2012 did me in. It sapped my energy and I lost the fight in me.
The straw that broke the camel’s back came when the faces behind the punches were all too familiar. When the murmurs were not loud enough, I had a status update dedicated to me. Sweeeet!
I looked around me and wondered, what part of me gave this year the impression that I had no clue about what I was doing. I wondered if it was better to go against my unpopular beliefs. Then I saw this:
“In the name of the best within you, do not sacrifice this world to those who are its worst. In the name of the values that keep you alive, do not let your vision of man be distorted by the ugly, the cowardly, the mindless in those who have never achieved his title. Do not lose your knowledge that man’s proper estate is an upright posture, an intransigent mind and a step that travels unlimited roads. Do not let your fire go out, spark after irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible it is yours…”
So 2012 made me cry, it made me snort while at it and it weakened me big time. It made me question myself because when it stood there in front of me, intimidating me, the people I expected to find in my corner, went the other way. They exposed me and I stood there vulnerable asking myself so many questions. Some I was able to answer, others I couldn’t for the life of me, find an answer. Heck, some I couldn’t even understand.
As I was drowning, holding onto my last breathe, just before my lungs gave in to the asphyxiation from this toxic year, I stretched my hand out one last time, willing to clutch at anything for dear life. Thankfully, I found a pair of strong hands that pulled me out.
When I could breathe again, I looked at him – he with the strong pair of hands and asked him to help me get back on my feet again. Help me find my bearing again, I pleaded.
“It’s all in you. All I can do is support you, and I am here for that no doubt. But you have to look within you for that strength you need. It is in there, so find it.”
He sounded so much like me; the ‘normal’ me. The ‘strong’ me. Here was his chance at being macho yet he let it pass, opting to give me the real deal instead. And he was right. There was no ‘superman’ out there to come and whisk me off my feet to a safehouse somewhere. I had to find that safe haven on my own.
With renewed strength, I looked 2012 in the eye and dared it to take me down because I wasn’t going without a fight. I had every right to be here dammit. I was going to fight back with all I had.
2012 is gone, yet I’m still standing. I live to fight another day. Another year.
I dare 2013 to hit me – give it your best shot bud. It will hurt and I can’t promise not to cry, but rest assured that I will not make it easy for you to take me down
One small request though, as you dish out the punches, allow me some laughter, joy and pleasure every once in a while. That is the only way that I can survive you.
Happy New Year guys! I hope it will be a sail-through, but whatever happens, don’t let your fire go out. You are stronger than you know. Remember that.